Have you ever fallen asleep asking God to not wake you up again the next morning? That you wouldn’t have to face another day?
More times than I like to admit.
In recent years, my soul found itself in its darkest hour, which became it’s darkest season. The weight, the heaviness, the sorrow, the pain, the suffering. It all felt like the walls were caving in on me and I had only a centimeter of space to sip quick breaths.
Until thankfully, God interrupted my cycle of misery with his amazing hope and love.
Deuteronomy 30:19 says, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life..”
God has a plan.
I realized that He came to give me life, not death. Death and the desire to not go on are from the enemy. God has good plans for my life. But I realized I had a role to play in this. I had a choice to make. I had to choose life and take every step I can toward the light of Jesus, which obliterates darkness.
It says in Psalm 118:17, “I will not die, but live and declare the works of God.”
This became my banner. I spoke this scripture out loud more times than I can count. As I meditated on this scripture, the truth began to sink into my spirit and eventually made its way to my soul.
Freedom from depression and suicidal thoughts.
Jesus set me free 100% from deep depression and suicidal thoughts. He brought me back from the metaphorical dead I was existing in.
When you walk with Jesus, you walk with the one who brings life from death.
He raised my soul from the dead in a very real way. He resurrected my life.
In Romans 8:11 it says, “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you”.
No matter how ‘dead’ you feel, Jesus desires for your life and dreams to be fully alive again.
I think often about Jesus and the way He walked this earth, even while He was carrying others’ pain and sufferings. He walked boldly into the darkest of scenarios. He sat and shared meals with the lowest class of people. He had no place to rest his head (Matthew 8:20). He came to give of himself and to do the work of the Father. He came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). He was not concerned with his own comfort or his own needs. He was consumed with passion for hurting and broken people. He gave His life up to be tortured in the worst possible way while taking on the sins and afflictions of the world, so that we, His children, could be free for all of eternity.
That even means freedom from depression and suicidal thoughts.
Our God is a miracle worker.
I am living proof.
Depression, suicide and the spirit of death must bow in the presence of Jesus. It is not of God. It is a tactic of the enemy to immobilize the people of God. As long as we keep our eyes inwardly focused on ourselves and surrender to a life of depression, we are not being effective for the Kingdom. We are distracted and miserable.
I lived in this place for too long… But when I found what was possible on the other side and got my first taste, I haven’t been able to look back.
On the other side of this grave of sadness, death and misery is an abundant life of freedom, hope and peace that surpasses all understanding.
If you find yourself in the place I once was, don’t give up. It is not too late for your life to turn around. Keep pushing towards Jesus to cross that threshold to the other side of what God has for you.
I promise you, depression and suicide is not it.