The Silent Struggle
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Pain. A word I have coexisted with on a daily basis for over 6 years. Suffering. A word that describes the depth of that pain. Pain I never knew I could feel or would have to feel or even knew existed. Sure, I had heard of tragedy and watched the news like any other person, but those things didn’t happen to me or my family or in my neighborhood. Somehow I was invincible. Somehow my life was going to go as planned without so much as a hiccup. Until a large hiccup hit. Ive been battling chronic disease for many years now and every day I pray and believe that I will be better someday. That someday this nightmare will be in the past.

It has been a journey I believe God will restore. What was stolen, He will bring back to me. He says in His Word that He will restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25) and I still hold closely to that scripture. I remember the promise that He works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). That means that all this misery and despair that I or you have lived through will have a happy ending somewhere. That it will be used for good, used for a purpose. 

And your pain will be too. Whether physical, emotional, or mental. You are not alone.

I understand pain. I understand grief. I understand the loss of dreams and hopes. And I understand hopelessness.

In Proverbs, Solomon tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick. I can attest to that.

By losing my hope, I began to give up.

Give up on my future, on fighting, I even gave up my will to live at times.

I have walked through, sometimes barely hanging on with a slow and pathetic crawl.

But I have gone through. I know what it means to be in debilitating physical pain so bad that you beg for death. I know what it means to be okay one moment and in a full blown panic attack the next. I know what it means to have dreams ripped out of your hand and heart. I know what it means to suffer with anxiety. I know what it means to have a hope filled exciting life with big plans for the future and have it all seem to be ripped away.

I know what it means to wait for heaven, to long for heaven, to dream of heaven. 

But I’ll tell you what else I know.

I know that in the darkness there is an ever present light in Jesus.

In those times of pain in all definitions of the word, Jesus was there. He breathes strength into me that I could never find on my own. He makes what was meant to be wrong, somehow right.

I know what it means to allow trials to mold you into the person you really are. I know what it means to build character. I know what it means to be compassionate. I know what it means to see someone hurting and cry with them, genuinely.

I found peace in the arms of the Lord and ONLY in him. I know what it means to realize what is really important in life. To find yourself, to find who you really are. To find someone you may never have had the joy of meeting had you not had a trial or a season of suffering. I have learned what it means to trust the Lord and surrender. To take the results out of my own hands and give them to the one who is capable.

I thank Jesus for the way he has grown me through this all. I pray with every piece of my being that the suffering ends and He brings forth complete and total healing for myself and any one in this world who has been well acquainted with sorrow and suffering. But even if I must walk this road a little longer, I will praise Him, I will continue to hope in Him, I will continue to press on and find the meaning and purpose behind every moment. I pray that I can help just one person be encouraged to find hope again. That no amount of suffering or pain is too deep for the Lord to reach down and pull you out of.

He is the only remedy for true freedom from pain.

He redeems lives. He heals. And he turns it all around.

It’s never too late for the ending of your story to be rewritten. But one thing I know for sure, you can trust God with the pen.

He is for you.

With love, Tiffany

 

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